How to make friends as an adult
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Remember how easy it was to make friends when you were a kid? You'd pick a classmate to share some crayons with and before you knew it, you were buddies. Play dates were coordinated courtesy of your parents, transportation included. Not to mention, save for school and soccer practice, your calendar was wide open for bonding time.
Believe it or not, the opportunities to make friends don’t necessarily become more scarce as we enter adulthood — it’s our mindset that has changed. As a child, when the opportunity arose to make a new acquaintance, you weren't worried about being rejected. "During childhood, the part of our brain (prefrontal cortex) which provides executive functioning ability like judgment, planning and personality is not fully developed," explains Dr. Kate Cummins, a licensed clinical psychologist in California. "As we age, we get more into our heads about the judgment of another person, or the thoughts they may have about us."
Regardless of your age or marital status, there is plenty of science to support the importance of seeking and maintaining friendships. A study published in the British Medical Journal found that men and women who reported having 10 or more friendships at age 45 had significantly higher levels of psychological well-being at age 50 than those with fewer friends. Maintaining friendships may even be more important as we get age, according to researchers at Michigan State University who found that among older adults, friendship quality often predicts health more so than the quality of any other relationship.
Among older adults, friendship quality often predicts health more so than the quality of any other relationship.
Among older adults, friendship quality often predicts health more so than the quality of any other relationship.
Another study conducted by researchers at Brigham Young University went as far as to say that friendships affect our life expectancy: people with larger social circles had a 50 percent lower mortality risk than those who didn't. Translation: You should be cultivating friendships like your life depends on it. So if your social circles have started to dwindle, here's what you can do to start adding some more friends to your roster.
Don't overthink it
Channel the action-oriented, judgment-free way you made friends as a child in your adult life. “We have negative thoughts such as ‘I’m not good enough to be that person’s friend,’ ‘I am not fun to be around because I’m boring, etc.” Cummins explains. These false beliefs can stem from a time we’ve been rejected by a peer in the past. “When a negative experience happens in a social setting, a person tends to believe that the next experience will be similar, even with a different person, and so he or she closes themselves off to contacting someone new in fear that a negative experience will happen again,” Cummins explains. "When a person acts on their behaviors first (texting and setting up a friend meet up) instead of creating a rejection scenario in their head, they are able to overcome the concerns or fears that may come along with rejection.”
Find your audience
A recent Gallup poll found that women who have a best friend at work are more engaged employees.
A recent Gallup poll found that women who have a best friend at work are more engaged employees.
You don't have a classroom full of peers to choose from, but there are plenty of places you find yourself as an adult where you’re surrounded by like-minded people to befriend. You can start by scoping out your office for a new pal — which can also be beneficial to your job. A recent Gallup poll found that women who have a best friend at work are more engaged employees.
Seeking out peer groups that align with your interests can help expose new friendship opportunities as well. Julie Katz-Shapiro, 45, a New York-based mom of two, made friends through a new mother's group after having her first child. "I hesitantly joined a mom’s group in Queens because I was the only one of my friends who had a baby," she says. "I found the most wonderful women — all with babies the exact same age as mine, and we basically learned how to be mothers together. Two of them are still my very close friends."
Put yourself in an environment where there are people you could potentially connect with over similar interests. “Whether this is a mastermind group, recreational [sports] leagues, weekly Zumba classes, a night class at a local community college, an REI training class, a MeetUp … put yourself in situations where you’ll meet multiple new people face to face,” says Annie Wright, licensed psychotherapist in California.
https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/how-make-friends-adult-ncna860971
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