This Is How To Make Big Goals Without Having Unhealthy Attachments To Them

You can have goals without having unrealistic expectations about their outcomes.Unsplash

At the root of everything you struggle with deeply is an unhealthy attachment.

Yes, everything.

Everything you suffer over is something you are invested in being different than how it actually is, and it is something over which you do not have primary control.

Think back to what's made you most genuinely happy in life, and what consistently disappoints you.

The difference will usually be that whatever you have imagined to be your "made it" moment, the point in your life at which you could not fathom being anything other than happy, will always be what hurts you most. In the end, it's what you didn't expect, what you didn't bank on "fixing" everything, that you get the most out of. It's the successes you didn't anticipate that you enjoy the most.

Or think about it this way: When you're devastated over the end of a relationship, it's usually because you have an unhealthy attachment to what that person was going to do for your future — typically, provide a sense of security. When you are disappointed in how you look, it's because you have an unhealthy attachment to the idea that being attractive = earning love. When you find yourself stressed to the max over big life milestones that you always dreamt of reaching, it's often because you believed they would be the ultimate solution to your fear, your loneliness, your uncertainty, or your lack of direction.

The root of your problems is wanting and needing things to be some way other than what they are. 

But mostly, the root of unhealthy attachment is the belief that it can somehow save you.

So how do you have goals, without having "unhealthy attachments?"

Because if having an attachment is just the virtue of being really invested in something and putting tons of energy toward it, and visualizing and planning and mapping and getting super, precisely clear on what you want, how can you   not become attached to its outcome?

The reality is that having goals and having attachments are similar, but understanding the difference will revolutionize your mental and emotional health. Here's how you start.

1. Accomplishments will not save your life.

Accomplishments can improve your life.

They can be fun, and interesting, and alleviate a lot of stress and discomfort.

But accomplishments cannot save you. They cannot absolve you of all future grief or sadness or anxiety.

When you set your goals, do so because logically, you know that they will bring you a greater measure of security, fulfillment or mental peace. But do not expect them to be the solution to everything you struggle with. When you visualize your new life, do not use it as an escape mechanism for the one you have now.

2. Your goals grow in the unknown.

You have to fall in love with the unknown magic of life.

That's where everything good happens.

Having goals can make some people close-minded. They become highly attached to achieving such-and-such a thing, and don't realize that it's actually in responding to the unexpected that those goals come to life.

Making a goal is signaling to the world that you are ready to experience something new. Don't thwart it when it arrives just because it doesn't look exactly the way you thought it might.

What you have to realize is that you can be super ambitious about what you want to create and achieve, and yet, at the same time, understand that these aspects of your future life are just that — aspects. Your goals will do a lot for you, but they aren't going to save you. That work is done right here, right now, and with the tools at your disposal.

The work of truly changing how you think and feel each day is only in the present moment, in which you can work on  how you think, and  what you believe, and  which thoughts and feelings you choose to respond to.

Chasing a new goal is like traveling to a new destination. Ultimately, the  way you get there is what will account for most of your time. And once you arrive, you'll soon have to hit the road to find the Next Big Thing. As they always say: happiness is a journey, not an arrival.

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https://www.forbes.com/sites/briannawiest/2018/10/11/this-is-how-to-make-big-goals-without-having-unhealthy-attachments-to-them/