Socialization, self-regulation, safety: Tips to steer tweens, teens toward positive benefits of social media
Ana Homayoun, author and educator, stopped in the Triangle in September with her new book, "Social Media Wellness: Helping Tweens and Teens Thrive in an Unbalanced Digital World."
This week, she's back, sharing more insights from her work, research and book during an author event at 7 p.m., Thursday, at Quail Ridge Books in Raleigh.
Homayoun, a Duke University graduate, also is the author of "That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week: Helping Disorganized and Distracted Boys Succeed in School and Life" and "The Myth of the Perfect Girl: Helping Our Daughters Find Authentic Success and Happiness in School and Life."
For those of us with tweens and teens wondering how much access to the digital world is enough, Homayoun shares great insights and really practical solutions for all of us. I asked her some questions about her work and recommendations. Check the Q&A below for more. (For more, read my Q&A with her from September).
Go Ask Mom: When I took my sixth grader to middle school orientation, the question I got from teachers wasn't "does she have a device," but "what device does she have." We never planned to give her a phone so young, but we did because of that. And now she uses it daily in class for everything from research to test taking. We have tight controls on the phone, but I almost felt forced to introduce her to the world of phones so early. Is this a common issue? Are you hearing similar stories from other parents?
Ana Homayoun: I've spent the last decade traveling to schools around the world, and the conversation around whether or not children have their own devices has evolved considerably in a relatively short period of time.
I see three main reasons for this increased early use: Convenience, accessibility, and safety. There are no longer pay phones readily available, and a parent trying to arrange pick-up from after school activities might find it easier for their child to have a phone. Many parents give their hand-me-down smartphones to their children when they upgrade to a new smartphone model.
Many parents, like yourself, express concern around getting their child a phone early. My office is located in the heart of the Silicon Valley, and when I asked several my high school seniors when they thought kids should get their first phone, they thought kids shouldn't have a smartphone with camera and video access until the eighth grade and gave me a host of really thoughtful reasons.
They also believed children should have tiered access, where a child begins with a flip phone or one with limited features before "graduating" to one with more complex options. They had no idea their recommendations were in line with a campaign called Wait Until 8th, which was started by a group of parents who wanted to have parents and students sign a pledge waiting until eighth grade to get a smartphone.
The high school students I interviewed had really thoughtful reasons why they thought kids should wait until eighth grade to get a smartphone – the potential for distractions, the challenge it can be for middle school students to self-regulate, and the underlying social and emotional manipulations that can feel overwhelming.
I am slowly hearing more parents feel confident in making choices that are right for their family, regardless of school and peer pressure (or parental peer pressure!) - and that is a main component of social media wellness.
GAM: Smartphones, computers and tablets are such an integral part of life for so many of us - including teens. They use them for both school and social exchanges. How does that present unique challenges for them that older generations didn't have to deal with?
AH: When I first started working with teenagers in 2001-2002, they would tell me their main distractions from getting their work done were pets, siblings, food and daydreaming. Now, it is common for kids to list off specific apps or websites (Snapchat, Instagram, YouTube, Netflix, tbh) or simply say, "the entire internet."
The challenge is that the brains of teens and tweens are still developing, and the underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex makes impulse control and managing distractions even more challenging. And, they are at an age developmentally where their relationships and friendships are of the most concern. So, even if kids want to self-regulate and make good choices around staying on task, it can be incredibly tough - and social media and related technology are created to be enticing!
Students today face the ultimate paradox: The same devices they need to use to complete their work provide their biggest distractions from getting work done. I wrote Social Media Wellness because I saw how parents and educators often didn't fully recognize the complexity of the issue, especially as more and more computers and tablets were being brought into the classroom.
GAM: How can we help them (and maybe help ourselves!)?
AH: Many of the parents and educators at the school presentations, and others who have written in after reading the book, have said that they read the book to help the teens and tweens in their lives, but ended up picking up strategies for themselves. We're all in this together - most adults are dealing with some of the very same issues around distraction.
The first and most important step is awareness - most children and adults aren't truly aware of how much time they are spending online and how quickly a minute checking a notification here or answering a message there can lead to a watershed of distraction. Using an app like Moment can help you track how much time is being spent online or on the phone - and can be used as a family to create collaborative conversations around shifting to better habits that focus on mono-tasking.
At schools and companies, I focus on helping students and adults find intrinsic motivation to compartmentalize their time and move from multi-tasking to mono-tasking. I provide a lot of ideas on how to encourage compartmentalization in the book, but two easy strategies: Use the Pomodoro method (25 minutes of work, followed by 5 minutes of rest) to get work done, and design dual screens to minimize distractions.
I encourage them to put their phone in on airplane or silent mode in the other room because research shows even having a phone face down on a desk has an impact on focus and concentration. My students often use dual screens - a work screen where they block or sign out of potential distractions, and disable notifications, and a "social" screen that might have the things they like to look at when they are not trying to complete work.
Finally, make it fun. So much of the conversation with kids around social media and technology use and distractions is focused on anger, frustration, and fear. We have to come from a place of compassion, empathy, and understanding - after all, many adults deal with the same issues. Encouraging more productive work time with the reward of more free time and time for fun activities is a way to build intrinsic motivation and critical thinking skills to build better long-term habits - and that benefits everyone.
GAM: What is one of the biggest surprises you've learned through your work?
AH: One of the main reasons I wrote "Social Media Wellness" was that I realized we were having the wrong conversations with teens around social media and technology use. Social media isn't good or bad, but is simply a new language that we need to understand. There are so many potential benefits for increased engagement, understanding and community that I talk about in the book. And, as with any new way of communication, parents and educators need to speak the language in order to help kids make better decisions online and IRL (in-real-life).
I think one of the biggest surprises is how much of a disconnect there is between parents and children around talking about these issues. Because so much of this is so new, there seems to be a wide spectrum of parenting around social media and technology use, and the goal of my work is to help find a balance that promotes the three Ss: healthy socialization, effective self-regulation and overall safety. I've found that so many kids want to talk with adults about issues they are seeing online, but don't always feel as though they have someone to turn to. Part of my work has been bridging that gap in an effective way.
Ana Homayoun is an author and educator who travels to schools and companies around the world talking about social media, executive functioning, personal productivity and wellness.
http://www.wral.com/socialization-self-regulation-safety-tips-to-steer-tweens-teens-toward-positive-benefits-of-social-media/16974373/
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